When I’m not busy challenging the absurdities of 21st century liberalism, I delight in my real job as a psychologist.

I appreciate it so much I’ve been doing it for 48 years and, yes, that makes me every bit of 72. 

With the understanding that I could check-out any minute, how about a few of my favorite shrink hacks?

• Anxiety is deadly — Take measures of fear, worry, self-criticism and a need to be in control... and you have a perfect formula for anxiety. This is one of the tougher hidden psychological hurdles one can face, but it is also ironically very treatable. You can’t beat it with thinking or drinking or drugging. You can defeat it with skills – learning how to behaviorally attack the four horsemen of anxiety to stop them from attacking you. Anxiety makes you feel weird, alone and powerless. You’re not – in a scary world, some anxiety is normal. 

• The armies we fight — Our three life options are to live in the past, present or future. We can fight one of those and win, two and maybe win, but we can never struggle with all three and not get crushed. Solution? Pick one and concentrate on getting there and living there. Smart choice? The present creates the past and becomes the future. It’s called the precious present for a reason.  

• Stay out of you — We live in a time where selfishness is rampant. You cannot find warm and furry feelings on the reverse side of your belly-button. Self-absorbed people are reliably depressed, addicted, afraid, angry, negative and/or lost. Turning outward is the antidote. People who love, give, contribute, create, engage and reach for a fuller life are much more able to find their happy place.

• Whack-a-Mole is not a life script — We’re not designed to stumble from problem to problem in a miserable state of existence that’s been colorfully described as “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” Problems exist to help us learn, grow, and separate right from wrong. If we’re stuck in a loop, it’s a good bet we’re on a bad path, getting what we’re earning and/or failing to learn from our errors. Life isn’t a bitch, but it is hard and it does require us to find better ways.

• A self-prescribed depression medicine — Show me someone who is anxious or depressed and I will show you someone dedicated to the worry, fear, self-criticism and control mentioned above. Beating them requires countering skills like cognitive management, learning to live in the present, self-support and flowing with life as we work on us instead of attempting to perfect the world around us. Anxiety and depression are like kudzu – they grow and take over if you don’t fight back.

• Conflict is inevitable — Faced with such, we have three basic options – respond passively, aggressively or assertively. Passive leaves us feeling like a doormat for predators. Aggression makes us one of those predators. Any jerk can get angry and mean – neither requires intelligence, heart or character. Assertiveness finds us being strong and nice at the same time. That’s a high bar, but it creates a potential for everyone winning. 

• People in pain are inevitably addicted — An addiction is anything that crowds out normal living. Examples are drugs, alcohol, sex and food. Running a close second are sloth, selfishness and slander. Topping the list of addictive emotions are anger, fear and shame. Un-addict thyself.

• Maturity matters — It’s a personal belief that most mental health problems are often just an entrenched maturity problem. Unaddressed maturity issues thus evolve into mental problems that are a consequence not an inevitability. Want to keep your head in the right lane? Learn how to live like an adult. In today’s America you’ll be part of a shrinking club.

• Victims-R-Us — Other people, past or present, certainly contribute much to who we are. However, Dr. Ellis was right – who we become is mostly up to us. In a culture that relentlessly encourages us to take the angry, entitled, victim path, that declaration may be confusing. Ask a friend to hit your finger with a hammer. Then ask them to fix it for you. When that doesn’t work, drive yourself to an ER and note that you are the one who has to handle the pain, bill and recovery. The rest of life is just like that. Emotional hoarding doesn’t fix anything.

• Brains need maintenance, too — When you exercise your muscles, you feed your brain anti-depressant hormones. When you feed your brain sugar, you give it an addictive drug and it responds accordingly. When you get decent sleep, it acts as a “clean off the gunk” windshield wiper. When you worry and live in the past or future, you exhaust your brain. When you live in the present, you relax and refresh it.