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Wednesday, 02 August 2006 03:05 |
| | Andy Borowitz |
In what members of the medical community are calling an unprecedented development, a man who recently awoke from a 19-year coma has asked doctors to put him back to sleep.
At a press conference in Jacksonville, Florida today, the man, Jason Deloit, 43, told reporters that at first he was excited to be conscious again, ?®But then I turned on the TV.?∆
Mr. Deloit said that the first images he saw on television were those of President George W. Bush giving a press conference.
?®I was happy at first, because I thought, well good, ?¥Saturday Night
Live?? is still on and that??s my favorite show,?∆ he said. ?®Then I
realized that it was actually the real president at the White House and
I became very depressed.?∆
After hearing the President field questions about Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo, Mr. Deloit ?®couldn??t take it anymore.?∆
Seeking
escapism, Mr. Deloit changed the channel and saw hotel heiress Paris
Hilton starring in the latest installment of her hit television show
?®The Simple Life.?∆
?®That was really
the straw that broke the camel??s back,?∆ he said. ?®I don??t want to live
in a country that exploits a mentally impaired person like that.?∆
Mr. Deloit??s
doctor said that putting his patient back into a coma state would
create an ethical quandary for the medical community: ?®Millions of
other people would want the same thing.?∆
Elsewhere, a
spokesman for the U.S. government said that it would soon issue terror
alerts on Americans?? wireless phones, explaining, ?®It??ll be easy, since
we??re already on the line listening in.?∆
?ÿ
Award-winning
humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author
of the new book ?®The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.?∆
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