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l lost a friend this week.

It was, like many such losses, sudden and startling. He was here – and then he wasn’t.

This gentleman was a friend to lots of people. Their echo of his loss is a tribute to how many lives were touched in his uniquely powerful way.

Like with most times someone passes on, I’ve reached for my favorite form of mourning — thinking about the good things I can take from his life and keep it going.

In his case, the search was easy — “Listen to Clint, don’t let the old man in.”

Country music singer Toby Keith coined a song of that title not too long before he met an early death at the hand of cancer. 

It’s told that he got the idea from a conversation with Clint. If you haven’t heard his rendition, it’s worth a listen.

As a tribute to my friend, Clint, Toby and all the other people who work hard to not let the old man in, here are a few suggestions found in their examples:

• Stay busy — Motion is lotion and movement is improvement. We are made to be useful, and when we anchor to our recliner and TV, we start rusting – badly. Everything we craft, contribute, create, complete and cherish adds some fresh paint to our hull. 

• Love someone — Love as a feeling matters – love as an action matters more. Love is like gold in a mountain. You have to dig it up and bring it to light before it has value. Love given, even more importantly than received, is a magic elixir for most things that ail us and thus a dependable fountain of youth. 

• Rethink retirement — The fantasy of a life of leisure has a lot of appeal. The reality of a life of leisure rarely lives up to its billing. Having something to get up for and feed yourself with that adds value to the world and expands your footprint gives you energy, purpose and health that’s not on a time clock. It’s called “refirement” – not retirement.

Gratitude — Worry, fear, negativity, and living life like an endurance contest wears us out. An attitude of gratitude does precisely the opposite. It keeps you in the light no matter what kinds of miseries surround you. That is precisely the way I feel about my lost friend – grateful.

• Fuel yourself properly — Cheap gas is not cheap on your car’s motor. Cheap – as in sugary, processed, salty, fatty, etc. – food is equally bad for your motor. More of us than not eat like we’re teenagers at a slumber party. That is not favorable to one’s longevity.

• Grow every day — When you quit growing, you start dying. Ask Clint. He’s still growing on his way to his upcoming 96th birthday. Think about your head, heart, hand and spirit as a team. They all need attention – every day – to stay healthy. Keep them wholesome and the old man finds it harder to get a grip.

• Exercise is medicine — Read about any study you can find on mental and physical health, and exercise will show up top of the list of benefactors. You don’t have to kill yourself, but you do have to challenge yourself. Balance matters, too – in the form of stretching, cardio and weight-bearing exercises all playing a part in keeping your parts working as they should. Old young men dependably don’t exercise and that should tell you something.

 • Forgive everybody — Nothing make you old faster than carrying around a bunch of grudges, resentments and old wounds. Nothing gets rid of the debris faster than forgiving. It has nothing to do with anyone owning their wrongs, making amends, or deserving our grace. It has everything to do with breaking the chains that pull you down into the depths of oldness. Forgiving yourself – it kills the poison of shame – may be even tougher than forgiving others, but it is equally vital.

• Friends — “The best way to have a friend is to be one,” may be the best statement on friendship ever uttered. Make no mistake, we all need our share of “people food” as a form of emotional/physical nutrition. Quality matters more than quantity, and it helps to remember that friendships, like anything else of value, take work.

• Spiritual faith — It’s a personal belief that people who have a functional belief in where they come from; what they should do while they are here; and where they are going when they leave here have a stronger foundation for facing and overcoming the challenges of life. Research consistently backs up the importance of faith as an antagonist to the things that age us.

Look around for role models who refuse to let the old man in.

In a cultural time when it’s popular for people of both genders to act like angry old men, we need people of light to remind us of what we’re supposed to be doing on our interesting journey.

My friend did that very well.

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Conserve [v. kuhn-surv] To use or manage wisely; preserve, save...

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Carl Mumpower is a practicing psychologist and former member of Asheville City Council. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .