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Tuesday, 06 June 2006 12:52 |
| Andy Borowitz
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In a sign that the Bush administration intends to ratchet up its program of domestic surveillance, the Central Intelligence Agency today announced that it was offering what it called a ?®Friends & Family?∆ eavesdropping plan.
Under the new plan, American citizens would reap significant discounts for long-distance calls in exchange for permitting the CIA to listen in on all of their conversations.
The calls will be routed through a CIA spy satellite and then beamed
back to the spy agency??s headquarters in Langley, Va., where agency
operatives will be listening in on a 24-hour basis.
With many Americans unhappy with their current long distance service,
the CIA hopes that consumers will decide that having a CIA agent
listening in on all of their conversations is a small price to pay for
fewer dropped calls, which the CIA??s eavesdropping plan promises.
According to the agency??s announcement, the CIA is sweetening the deal
by offering even deeper discounts if the customer will allow the agency
to ?®out?∆ the names of its friends and family by leaking them to a
newspaper reporter or columnist.
Carol Foyler, 28, of Memphis, Tenn., who signed up for the
eavesdropping plan on Monday, said that so far she had mixed feelings
about the new service: ?®I was talking to my boyfriend last night, and
all of a sudden I heard Dick Cheney on the line ?± that kind of puts a
damper on things.?∆
Elsewhere, actress Angelina Jolie denied reports that she gave birth
over the weekend, saying that she and Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt were
?®just good friends.?∆
?ÿ
Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy
Borowitz is author of the new book ?®The Borowitz Report: The Big Book
of Shockers.?∆
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