Janese Johnson

Many cultures value their elders and treat them with the respect that they deserve.

Filial piety is a term used to describe the importance in many Asian cultures that the elders hold to the family.

These cultures believe that it is the duty of the family to honor and take care of its elders. Latino, African, and African-American communities are also known for revering and caring for their elders.

Over the past few decades, many in the U.S. put their elderly parents and relatives in nursing homes so that someone else could take care of them. But with the rise in health care and the cost of living, many families are coming back to helping their elder relatives in the home.

The U.S. Administration on Aging says that the number of adults aged 65 and older by 2010 will be 40 million.

Compare this to 1990, when there were 31.2 million, and we can see that we have reached a time in our culture when we have to do something very different for our elders. The culture of “independence” from our family is not working for many of our vulnerable and aging family members.

In all the years I have been working with others, it has been especially in the past five years that I have worked with quite a few of my clients concerning how they can best help their elderly parent, spouse or relative. Some have brought them into their home to care for them; others got caregivers to help them in their own home; while others put their parents into assisted living situations. Each choice was emotional because every person has different needs, and it is hard to see a parent getting old and needing help sometimes.

My dad moved back in with me two years ago when he found out he had cancer. That was a very difficult process for both of us to adjust to. We had 25 years in different living situations and had to work out a lot while still helping him with his health issues. I am thrilled to say that he is now cancer free, but it was quite a haul.

  Because of the many problems that our country has been experiencing over the past few years with higher cost of living — with food, housing, health care and gas — along with difficulties their children may be having with divorce, unemployment, and high cost of living, elders are getting hit from many angles. There are a lot more grandparents helping raise their grandchildren today than in years past. This depletion of their sometimes-limited funds can really take away from their standard of living.

Because we are so broken, the old system is not working out for everyone. There is a growing number of relatives and organizations that are putting more attention on the care of our elders. Hopefully we will come back to having a deep and appreciative nature as a culture for our elders, and not just help out of a sense of “have to.”

After all, we would not be here without those who have come before us, and we are the elders for those who come after us.

We are a continuous rhythm in the bigger scheme of things, not separate islands from each other. We may look upon them as a gift to our society. And yes, maybe we do not agree with their ways or their views, but we can take those pieces of information and add it to our own, so that we can make the healthiest choices for the future of our children.

It’s worth remembering that we all are the elders that our children will disagree with, since we have not yet worked out the problems for the world.

So let’s appreciate the wisdom and support that we have experienced from those before us, and give back from our hearts so that their last years may be a time of wonder and joy, not of burdens and suffering.

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Janese Johnson has been doing intuitive counseling nationally for more than 20 years. She may be contacted at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it