Janese Johnson

The winter holidays for most people are a time of sharing, loving, and getting together with family and friends. It is also a time for many to remember holiday childhood experiences, and feel the warm and cozy feelings that those memories often bring.

However, there are over half a million children in the United States who will not be home for the holidays, nor will they likely be having warm fuzzy memories of their childhood experiences. They will be spending the holidays with a stranger, trying to adjust to the life that has been dealt to them.

These children are known as foster children, and they are in foster care because of alleged neglect, abuse, or abandonment. In 2001, records from the AFCARS Report (Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System Report) show that there were 542,000 kidsin foster care in the United States. The facts over the past ten years have shown that the number of children in foster care is increasing each year. Out of the 542,000 children in foster care, 124,000 of those children are eligible for adoption.

For most of these children, the holiday time is a sad time. It is filled with uncertainty and confusion. Lily, a beautiful 15-year-old who was adopted at 11 by a friend of mine, says it seemed that every year around the holidays, she was moved.

ìMost families considered me their gift. Turned out I was not their true gift after all. I was too much for them to handle.î

When I asked her why she believed they moved her around the holidays, she said she felt it was because they were all happy, and she was not, so she believes that she put a damper on their fun. She had been in the ìsystemî since she was 4 years old until she was adopted by her ìtrueî family at 11 years old. Lily is most certainly a ìtrue giftî in many of our lives, and especially for her family that she is now with. But for Lily, the holiday time still brings up old and unhappy memories, and it might be some time before those old wounds are gone.

When I was a foster parent, we had many children brought to our home with only the clothes on their back. Many were removed from an unsafe situation, and had to leave quickly, and unknowingly. Some of the children were picked up at school, and brought over to our house. We tried too hard to make everything ìrightî for the kids whenever they came by giving them new clothes, toys, and fun. And during the holidays, we amped up the loving a few notches. We felt that we would give these precious children something that they never had.

What we did not realize is that the pain and suffering that they have gone through is so deep and traumatic, that it might take years before they could feel safe and loved again. In looking back, and in hearing many foster and adopted children express how they felt, I am now seeing the importance of letting them experience their sadness, without trying to change that for them.

Not everyone is able to become a foster parent for various reasons, but there are still many other ways that we can help the children that are in foster care. There is a foster-care association in the area that accepts clothes and toys for foster children. Pat Lapier is the contact person for that, and her number is 216-3852.

Becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister through the Big Brother and Big Sister program is another way that you can help out a child in need. There are quite a few kids who are waiting for a BIG to come into their life. The benefits that both sides get from this program are tremendous.

And most of all it is important to remember the half-million children who are in foster care. Help others become aware of the importance of helping ìourî children. We cannot let them fall through the cracks. Because all children are our future ó and how they turn out, depends on us now.

So please take a moment and do something kind this holiday season for a child who desperately needs our love and guidance.

Happy Holidays!
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Janese Johnson has been doing intuitive counseling nationally for more than 20 years. She may be contacted at janesej-at-buncombe.main.nc.us.