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Tuesday, 03 April 2007 14:46 |
| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Are all guys who arenít gay gross slobs? So often, when a guyís invited me over after the second or third date, Iíve discovered such a disgusting disaster area that I wish Iíd worn hip-high wading boots. The specifics: dirty, wadded-up towels on the floor, a weekís worth of dirty dishes in the sink, decades of crud on the fixtures, and a bathroom so vile that I put off using it until my bladderís ready to burst. Do guys simply not see this stuff? Do they see it and just not care? And does it not occur to them that a woman might be turned off by such slovenliness and filth?
ó Totally Repulsed
It
isnít that guys donít notice the filth, it just takes them a little
longer ó like until the crud impedes access to the bathroom or the fuzz
on the dishes evolves to the point where it hisses at the dog.
Now, not every
straight guy is a slob, and not every gay guy is fastidious, but
thereís a reason the TV hit was ìQueer Eye For The Straight Guyî and
not ìStraight Eye For The Queer Guyî ó the home makeover show to help
all the gay men whose living spaces have been featured in
ìArchitectural Digest.î And, sure, there are squalor-dwelling chicks
out there, but when a woman apologizes for her ìdisaster areaî itís
likely sheís telling you sheís run out of color-coordinated Kleenex and
forgotten to pick up fresh flowers.
Because many
women canít imagine that a man would think differently than they do
(thanks, in part, to the toxic mold that is radical feminism) they
often take it personally when a man invites them into what looks to be
a one-bedroom/one-bath Petri dish decorated in a landfill motif.
The perceived
insult may be magnified if heís a guy who typically looks shaved and
bathed, and like he picked his clothes out at a department store, not
out of a dumpster. I mean, jeez, in honor of your presence, couldnít he
have at least hosed the place down?
The truth is, as
you suspected, straight guys just donít have the filth and disarray
vision that women and gay men do. Studies show gay menís attention to
environmental detail is similar to that of straight women, but in
general, ìthe female brain takes in more sensory data than does the
male,î writes brain researcher Michael Gurian in ìWhat Could He Be
Thinking?î How much more visual detail does the female brain take in?
Well, in an object-recall test by York University psychologists Irwin
Silverman and Marion Eals, women remembered the name and placement of
70 percent more items than the men did. At that rate, it shouldnít come
as a surprise if a guy doesnít notice the dog hair, beer cans, and Taco
Bell wrappers ó at least, not until they start blocking his view of the
game.
Men can be
obsessive about detail, explains Gurian, but their mental and visual
attention is usually single-minded and achievement-oriented. Gurian
gives the example of a manís meticulousness in building a model ship in
a tiny glass bottle. ìHe is focused on doing whatever it takes to
succeed in reaching his goal,î but in his day-to-day life, ìhe doesnít
experience the mess in the house as a challenge over which to triumph.î
(Thereís still hope somebody will come up with a Pro-Am tournament of
housekeeping.)
According to
Silverman, Eals, and other researchers, a guyís tendency to let his
home become a pizza-crust wilderness refuge probably traces back to our
hunter-gatherer past. Menís current visual and attentional strengths
correspond to what wouldíve made them successful hunters: the distance
vision and mental focus needed to track and bring home dinner ó instead
of being eaten by what was supposed to be dinner. Womenís superior
peripheral vision and ability to process detail wouldíve helped them
spot the familyís favorite edible plants in a big tangle of vegetation
ó while making sure the children werenít playing in wildebeest traffic.
Culture or
training may mitigate the modern manís natural crud-blindness. My
German friend Thomas, for example, can be awakened from a deep sleep by
a lone crumb in the middle of the counter. If youíre a clean freak,
find a guy like him. Otherwise, if a guyís a slob, but a quality slob,
maybe resign yourself to living alone and having him come over to your
place. If you must live with him, keep in mind that he probably isnít
leaving a trail of trash because heís a bad guy, but simply because
heís a guy.
To keep the
peace, hire a good cleaning person ó hard to find but nowhere near as
scarce as really great men you click with. When you find one, why let a
little thick, green bacteria keep you apart?
ï
Got a problem?
Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or
e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
www.advicegoddess.com).
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