|
Tuesday, 13 March 2007 15:14 |
| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Recently, my cash has been mysteriously disappearing ó first, from my pants pocket after my girlfriend did laundry. When I asked, she said sheíd found a few bucks in the washer, but I realized most of it was still missing. Okay, maybe that time the underpants gnomes took it. Another time, some cash from my wallet was gone. She denied knowing anything. Then, my change jar got mostly emptied. She finally admitted she cashed it in for stuff she needed. Then there are all those times Iíve had to pay her portion of the bills. Iím a college student, and she earns more than I do, even though she goes for low-wage jobs then gets fired. Iíve been waiting and hoping sheíd start managing her money better, or look for a better job. Do you think it would help if we didnít live together? Iím thinking that way sheíd learn to save some of her OWN money.
ó Dollar Bill
So . . . if a
guy at a concert picks your pocket, do you chase him and try to tackle
him, or sit down and ponder whether he just needs an apartment of his
own?
Itís bad enough
that you have to worry about strangers in Romania phishing your bank
account over the Internet. Now you also have to worry that your own
girlfriend is phishing your dresser? Of course, you should probably
consider yourself lucky if all her larceny is the petty kind. While
women typically wait until they marry to take a manís name, your name
may already be appearing on credit cards youíll only find out about
when the repo man is driving away in your car.
You could be
checking your credit report for fraud right now ó if only you werenít
so busy making excuses for your girlfriend: She has a bad job! She
doesnít make enough money! There may be demons in the washing machine!
Right. Thereís a reason itís the fruit of your labor disappearing, not
your Fruit of the Looms. (Ever try to buy earrings with a fistful of
tighty-whities?) Cough it up already:
Your girlfriend is a thief. She
isnít ìfindingî money, she isnít borrowing money, sheís stealing it,
plain and simple. On the bright side, she isnít endangering your life
by holding you up at gunpoint, since your gullibility is the only
weapon she needs.
Sometimes
reality bites, and when it does, the answer isnít reaching down to pet
it and give it a biscuit. Sure, you really, really want to believe
thereís a loving relationship in there somewhere ó perhaps because
youíve already put so much time into believing that. Or, perhaps you
think admitting your girlfriend doesnít love you means admitting youíre
unlovable or undeserving of love. The truth is, you might be quite
lovable, but youíll never find out as long youíre with a woman whose
idea of a 50/50 relationship involves lifting $50 from your wallet,
then cashing in another $50 from your change jar.
Getting your
girlfriend to move out will change one thing ó her address. While
management companies do give away a lot of amenities to lure new
renters, ethics and ambition arenít among them. You can have a woman
who shares your values, provided that you keep looking until you
actually find one. If it makes you feel better, consider the money this
woman filched a course fee of sorts: a lesson to avoid ignoring the
disconnect between what you have and what you really want ó which,
presumably, isnít a girlfriend who canít keep her hands off your hard .
. . earned cash.
Clothing the deal
Your question
from the girl who initially dissed the guy with bad hair, ugly
polyester shirts, and ìCosby sweatersî hit home with me. I know you
canít expect a guy to change, but does that mean you have to take a
pass on a guy whoís otherwise great, and hope he comes around in time
(and in style)?
ó Shallow, I Guess
Itís unrealistic
to expect a man to give up golf, his friends, or drug-running, but is
it really that big a deal to get him to change his sweater? Sure, some
guys are glued to their ìlook,î like a guy who doesnít feel true to his
Wisconsin roots during football season unless heís got a big foam slice
of cheese on his head. Most guys arenít that picky about how they
dress. Where women go wrong is in telling a guy what to wear, instead
of telling him how hot heíd look in, say, a blue denim work shirt, then
offering to help him shop for one. Is it shallow to want a guy to dress
better? No, itís shallow to pretend you can deal when you canít.
Clothes donít make the man, but they might make the man somebody you
arenít embarrassed to be seen with in broad daylight.
ï
Got a problem?
Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or
e-mail AdviceAmy-at-aol.com www.advicegoddess.com).
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
