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Tuesday, 06 February 2007 14:58 |
| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Do straight guys who arenët Dennis Rodman ever wear makeup in their everyday lives? Maybe go to the office with a little hider on? Or a little more? If women can wear all this stuff to improve their appearance, why canët men?
ÇƒÓ Curious George
A man improves his appearance by getting into a Jaguar, not Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse Foundation.
Consider
your target audience. On one hand, women do want the
"strong-but-sensitive" man, the guy tough enough to shed a couple tears
when the chick-flick turns tragic. On the other hand, thatës assuming
it doesnët cause his mascara to run into his beard. Of course, women
wear makeup because men are attracted to pretty women. Although some
gay men and starstruck 14-year-old girls are into pretty men, most
women are not. Research shows women prefer tall men, and those with
that nice broad-shoulders-into-narrow-hips "vee." But, in study after
study, they rated money, status, power and potential more important
than looks ÇƒÓ which is why youëll see the worldës most beautiful women
out with the ugliest little meatballs of men. Thereës nothing that
makes a stubby schlub look 6 feet tall like 10 million dollars piled on
his head.
Of course, money
isnët everything. A woman has to consider how a manëll handle any
saber-toothed tigers they might encounter on their way to the coffee
joint. Yeah, yeah, I know, those things died out some 10,000 years ago,
but try getting the message to a girlës genes. She might be partying
like itës 1999, but like all humans, sheës genetically hard-wired for
1.8 million years ago; which means sheës not only drawn to "providers"
but protectors, too. Thatës why the guy who wants the girl should look
like heëll be the one going downstairs with the baseball bat when she
hears an intruder ÇƒÓ and without stopping in the bathroom to check for
enlarged pores.
But, wait, what
about "metrosexuals," the hordes of preening, plucking, flaming
heterosexuals who supposedly get the girl by becoming just like her?
Metrosexuals? What metrosexuals? Sorry, but did you actually notice men
across America stampeding out of sports bars to go on a gender bender,
and running around like Brit soccer star David Beckham in pink nail
polish and a sarong? Sure, there are guys who are femmy control freaks.
There always have been and theyëve never been attractive to women. The
term "metrosexual" was coined in 1994 by Brit journo Mark Simpson, to
poke fun at the commercialized man. And wouldnët you know it, after he
wrote a follow-up for Salon.com in 2002, American ad agency honcho
Marian Salzman proclaimed it a trend. Yeah, itës a trend all right ǃÓ
among marketing execs whoëd like to see the other half of the
population lining up to swipe their Amex at the Clinique counter.
If youëre a
19-year-old skinny kid in a goth band, okay, you can borrow your
girlfriendës eyeliner. If youëre a 32-year-old, paunchy, balding
insurance salesman, nuh-uh. For you, and for all men who arenët rock
stars, drag queens, or Pirates of the Caribbean, good grooming is
limited grooming: clean fingernails, a shave, maybe a dab of hair gel,
and "Arenët you glad you used Dial?" If you have a zit going off like a
car alarm, yes, you can take your big man paw and spackle it with a
little colored Clearasil. But, remember, venturing any further into
face painting gives rise to all the wrong questions, like the last
thing you want some hot woman in a dimly lit bar to whisper in your
ear: "Do you happen to have a spare tampon?"
ï
Got a problem?
Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or
e-mail AdviceAmy-at-aol.com www.advicegoddess.com).
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