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Tuesday, 12 December 2006 18:31 |
| | Janese Johnson |
Babies usually come into the world as bundles of love.
Their love emanates from their being and circles around everyone back to them.
If that natural cycle is broken in any way, it affects how the baby grows to relate to others in their world.
In efforts to give their child as much love and attention as possible, parents often spoil their children, preventing them from understanding the natural exchange of love and care that happens in human relationships.
If
the caretakers just soak up the childës great loving energy, the child
will learn that giving is the way to be, and will not easily receive
love.
The natural rhythm of reciprocation teaches children that it is equally important to give and receive in life.
After many years
of working as a therapist, I have only known of a few people who are
equally givers and receivers. Most people are accustomed to being
either a giver or a receiver ÇƒÓ and the holidays usually show us who is
who.
Strong givers
can only bring in strong receivers in their life. Since a giver has a
hard time receiving, they usually donët attract givers.
A big complaint
that I often hear from givers is that they feel that they give so much
without getting anything in return. When the situation is examined in
greater depth, it becomes clear that even if there were someone who
wanted to give to them, the person accustomed to giving would have a
hard time accepting the offerings of others.
I am this type
of person. After many years of being a burned out and frustrated giver,
I realized that I needed to learn to accept love, help or any form of
gift from people who were attempting to give to me. I also had to
accept the fact that not accepting love or gifts is not only selfish,
but an insult to the giver.
To decline the
help or love of someone who wants to give is not generous at all. It
artificially blocks the natural cycle of reciprocity. I realized that
since I was such a great "giver" I helped raise great "receivers" ÇƒÓ and
we were all miserable.
When I became
aware that I was giving all the time without allowing for the natural
reciprocation of receiving, I felt annoyed towards the people to whom I
gave so much of myself. I created limits on how much I would allow
myself to give and began to receive more in order to have a healthier
balance.
As I implemented
this system, I found that even my children became more generous givers
to me.
They had been givers all along, but I had not realized it
because I only looked at our relationship of giving and receiving.
Giving from the
heart is true giving. When we give out of habit or unconsciously, we
may not really want to give. Such an act diminishes the meaning of
giving in the first place.
Developing a new
way of giving and receiving required a lot of conscious effort because
a part of me still believed that my giving is intrinsic to my survival.
Perhaps this belief and behavior was ingrained in me as an infant
because my parents were both receivers.
Whether you are
a giver or receiver, conciously working on a healthier and more natural
cycle of reciprocity is important. So do yourself a favor during the
holidays and pay attention to whether you are giving or receiving from
an unconscious place and then become aware of giving and receiving
actions that happen in your everyday life. Have a healthy and happy
holiday!
ï
Janese Johnson
has been doing intuitive counseling nationally for more than 20 years.
She may be contacted at janesej-at-buncombe.main.nc.us.
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