Though the battle rages on regarding the ever-evolving mission, method and means of the eternally angry LGBTQ etc. movement, 95-plus percent of the rest of us are still figuring out how to make the man-woman thing work.

Best of luck to all of us — regardless of what we chose to do with our pee-pees — for the truth is that having an emotionally intimate human relationship with anyone is tough business.

It’s a mission to clear the fog, and we’ll start by talking to women about men, then men about women, and maybe even venture into the etc. category as a third column.

 It should be fun, because contrary to their popular belief, most women don’t know jack about men and they’re not really into figuring it out.

Allow me to do it for you.

Men are not just interested in one thing — Women love to think this because it removes all responsibility to be multitalented. Maybe that explains why so many of today’s liberated Feminists-R-Us enthusiasts dress to impress. No, not to impress a man’s brain, heart, or soul – his pee-pee. Yes, men like sex, but if that was all we cared about, we’d all be hunkered down in the basement watching porn. Many women don’t notice, but men work, recreate, go to church, coach Little League, read, mow the grass, repair broken things, and a lot of other stuff that — surprise, surprise — have absolutely nothing to do with your nether regions. 

 But they are a lot interested in that one thing — The male brain is visual and likes the female form. We also like touch and affection. Understanding men is like that old joke about if you want to make a woman happy, show her tenderness, listen, invest energy, be creative, protect her, gift her, forgive her, give attention, remember special days, and a long list of other things. If you’re a woman who wants to make a man feel loved, just show up naked. 

P.S. — If men are society’s sex fiends, why are women willing to plot the demise of Supreme Court justices so you can recklessly make babies without accountability?

 Women like to bash men and that’s a mistake — Running in a close tie with sharing their latest purchase at T.J. Maxx, bashing men is one of too many women’s favorite pastime. If you’re trying to have a relationship with a man, enduring, criticizing, nagging and rolling your eyes are certain predictors that things will not work out. No, happy-ever-after doesn’t exist. Practiced happiness between a man and a woman certainly does.

 Yes, men are often dumb — Every man you meet has blind spots and I can promise you that men are absolutely terrible at reading minds. Women get mad over that last one. Tell a man what you need and, if he doesn’t respond, you have a legitimate beef. Also know that what can seem like dumbness is actually just a difference in brain design. Men tend to be single-task-oriented. Most men struggle to watch TV and listen to you at the same time. We have to pick one, and yes, it should be you.

Men don’t own the world, but they sure do carry it — Throwing the label toxic masculinity at most men has the moral validity of sexually converting a confused 15-year-old. Yes, men can be tough, relentless, violent  and aggressive. It’s those kinds of guys who build skyscrapers, fix downed power lines, repair cars, fight most wars, police most of our bad guys, wash the dishes in restaurants, and climb in the crawlspace to spray bug juice. Sure, women can do those things, but very few do. Work behind an asphalt truck for one hour in July for a quick reality check on the importance of men.

 Women read about everything but men — One of my favorite questions to ask women who’ve soured on men is how many books they’ve read on men. The answer is usually none, nada, non — unless it’s one with a title like “Why men hate women and want to murder us!” or “Men: The toxic source of catastrophic climate change.” Hint to women – if you’re interested in something, study up on in. You give us heck for never reading the instructions for putting cribs or swing sets together. Might reading a manual on men be at least as important as the latest NY Times bestseller, “One Hundred Ways Women Are Victims?”

Everyone matters — The fact is that we need everybody to keep the crazy world moving. Most specially we need people who produce, nurture, think, stand up and bring light to the world. Good men and women both do that, but they do it differently. 

It’s called symmetry — harmonious and beautiful proportion and balance — and men and women, when functioning as intended, create symmetry that is very special.

 That balance has kept the world running for a long time. Now’s not a time to stop....

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Carl Mumpower is a practicing psychologist and former member of Asheville City Council. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .