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The past 25 years has seen an explosion of newcomers beaching their boat on Asheville’s shores. Welcome.

Most of us who were here before you have never had an interest in saying, “I’m here, now it’s time to close the door.”

But that’s not to say that everything has been peachy.

The arrival of such a large number of new folks has brought a game-changing mix of traits – including enterprise, greed, resources, anger, diversity of thought, self-service, creativity and folly – that have dramatically altered Asheville’s landscape.  

We have problems with crime, street predators, drugs, traffic and narcissistic immorality that would have been inconceivable just a few short decades ago.

Arguably, the negatives are starting to pile up faster than the many positives that made Asheville an attraction to begin with.

With that regression in mind, combined with the certainty that new newcomers will continue to crowd into Asheville, let’s take a look at what we’ll call ‘Ten Guidelines for News Asheville Residents Who Don’t Want to Screw Up Paradise.’

1) If you come from a place where the political policies failed your city in a way to motivate you to leave that city, please don’t insist that we implement those policies here. And while you’re at it, please consider all angles of view — not just the ones that are comfortable.

2) Asheville has a long, rich history operating out of traditional, conservative and faith-based values. You don’t have to agree with any of these things, but while you are touting “the importance of diversity,” may we ask you to not stomp on those who have lived here forever and operate from a different point of view? 

3) Please remember that we think love is a good thing too – we just don’t buy the idea that enabling and love are the same thing. In fact, many of us believe that enabling is a concealed form of selfishness.

4) Please understand that many of the people you meet in Asheville will not believe that talking, motion, and emotion should be confused with productive action.

5) If you are into politics, give some thought to voting for folks who understand that if goals are not reality-based, accountability-grounded, progress-measured and consequence-guided, good things just don’t happen.

6) Give consideration to the actuality that it’s not possible to have a city that is weird, safe, affordable and elite all in the same package.

7) Might we suggest that we agree that helping people is a good thing, but that if the recipient has no skin – as in responsibility – in the game, that that effort is designed to fail?

8) Join with us in the suggestion that one can reject the sin without hating the sinner. Tossing words like hate, phobic, and Nazi around like candy sets up a simplistic good guy-bad guy approach that is not remotely up to the sophisticated challenges we face in Asheville.  

9) On road rage – unless you’re Robert Mitchum hauling moonshine in the ‘50s, this is not an Asheville tradition. Please give consideration to leaving your former road warrior skills back home and try a nicer way here.

10) You can’t have a thriving community without laws, rules, boundaries and consequences for the same reason you can’t eat soup without a bowl.

While we’re at it, we’d also appreciate your resisting the temptations of NYMBY’ism. Many of us see that “not in my back yard” stuff as distasteful, disrespectful of other newcomers — and altogether self-serving.

Another thing is the bicycle thing. Dependably, most of the bicycle people are out-of-towners. That’s because, unless you’re an athlete, most of the local folks long ago figured out that our terrain and road system are not very conducive to expensive and relentlessly underutilized bike trails.

In case you haven’t noticed, when they built Asheville’s roads, they basically paved the cow trails.

Oh yeah, one last thing. It appears that a lot of you folks from up North and California come from a place with an embedded drug culture. It may surprise you to learn that Asheville really didn’t have a drug problem until late in the ‘90s.

We didn’t put up with that nonsense, and with all due respect to those of you who think we should, we’ve yet to meet a person whose life was uplifted by druggery.

In closing, please allow me to welcome you to Asheville.

Most of us who’ve been here for a lifetime are mostly glad to have you.

Would it be unreasonable to suggest you might want to be glad to have us, too?