By DAVE EVANS

Special to the Daily Planet

First let me say……boy, I go away for 14 years and look what happens. Donald Trump president? Joe Biden president?….Are you nuts? Oh, well…it could be worse…Hillary could be president!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!  The big bad Croner is not going to get ya. The things that have happened since I’ve been gone. What’s wrong with you people? 

Didn’t I warn you about these bloodsuckers that run the world? Why are so many of you wearing masks? What did I say about germs? 

You look like a bunch of wannabe Bonnie and Clydes. Maybe you should go rob the Fed. They are your real masters and the crooks that run the world. Are you afraid that a few little germies are waiting to bite you as you run up and down the supermarket aisles? 

I used to swim with the fishes in the Hudson River and my immune system is going great. Well, not really. I am dead, after all. Nonetheless what are you people thinking? 

You let Bill Gates run your computers and now you are letting him run your lives. You need to reboot him right up the ass. 

Oh..and get ready…the ‘Moneypox’ virus is coming next. It’s going to be a big money maker for Big Pharma and just because it is free doesn’t mean it is free. You will get stuck with the bill in your taxes!

Gee I  woke up this morning only to discover that I am not ‘woke.’ I may be awake but I’m not “woke.”  Does that make any sense? Have you heard about this? You’re not 'woke’ unless your sense of reason is asleep. First though, to be truly ‘woke’ You have to be a victim, I am a victim…. You’re a victim. We’re all victims….victims of something called life and you know what….. life is unfair, get over it. In 100 years you will all be dead and forgotten. How fair is that? You know what Google brain defines as ‘woke’ which, by the way, should be ‘Awake’ if you want to use the word correctly after all ‘Woke’ is past tense and does not really work as it is being used. It sounds stupid. So to be ‘woke’ means:

alert to injustice in society, especially racism.

Really, you mean we have injustice in our society? 

Wow, imagine that. I don’t own a yacht like Bill Gates and I consider that to be unjust…what can I do?

I don’t have a mansion on Martha’s Vineyard like the Obama’s. That doesn’t seem fair does it? Should I call those geniuses of judicial equanimity at DOJ to see how they can screw me over? 

Do we have racism in our society? The only racism I can see is toward white males of European descent. 

If you look at the schools, colleges and corporations they seem to hate everything white. I saw a commercial the other day for Hostess  ‘ Twinkies, but the only thing white in the commercial was the cream inside the Twinkie. 

Speaking of this beloved consumer good, have you ever seen what goes into a Twinkie? 

No wonder they call it a consumer good because the ingredients will literally consume your life…and if that is not enough…you can deep fry the sucker just like they do at the state fair. Talk about toxic…and by the way have you noticed the way the packaging for these treats and delectable candies are shrinking in size but going up in price? What’s that all about? I told you we’re being played.

Look what’s happened to the world. I go away for 14 years and what the fuck. Look What’s happened to the world and I thought things were bad back then. Are you kidding me? I heard about the ‘great reset.’ Brain child of a man named Schwab. The only thing he’s good at swabbing is a bad case of hemorrhoids. What is this great reset? Sounds kind of cool and kinky although I don’t trust these bastards who run the world. So now the great reset is all the rage among the ‘woke’ zombies of the Idiocracy. What are we living inside a giant TV set? Hey the TV’s not working folks…better call the cable guy!

Speaking about the so-called ‘Great reset’ everybody seems to be talking about ‘building back better.’ I know the Ukranians would like to build back better. Just call Lockeed Martin, Boeing or one of those mammoth defense contractors they would like to help Ukraine build back better….for a measly few hundred billion. Talk about creating your own marketplace…what a deal. Blow it up and then build it back. By the way have you ever asked yourself what war is good for? It’s good for the arms companies that make the bombs. I mean who ever heard of a product that is never replaced…and that is what would happen if peace were to prevail. 

What about systemic racism and Critical Race Theory…Oh boy anything to get those reparations eh? I got news for all those people that want to be compensated because one of their relatives several centuries ago was a slave. Get over it. Guess what over 360,222 northern soldiers, mostly white, died to free your ancestors. Chew on that. By the way what if you are only one eighth black, excuse me, ‘African American,’ does that mean you only get one eighth of the payment? Who is going to figure out how to measure the percentage of your racial background? I know.. You got it….. the ‘Department of Reparations’ a brand new government agency that we the taxpayers get to pay for. The new director…get ready for this…The good Reverend Al Sharpton.

To all you “snowflakes” out there: I hope that I have invaded your safe spaces with my slew of microaggressions. Maybe that will wake you the hell up!