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Thursday, 01 December 2005 05:17 |
| Janese Johnson
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It is pretty clear how women and minorities are still oppressed in our culture. And because of the obvious inequality of this oppression, we often ignore how the effects of male oppression can contribute to all other forms.
So, how are men oppressed, and how does that affect the bigger picture?
When I was growing up in the 1960s, my father was a single parent to my brother and me. In those days, it was relatively unheard of for a father to raise his children unless the mother was not alive. So, in order to avoid more scrutiny than he was already experiencing as a single father, he told everyone, including us, that my mother had passed away. It wasn??t until I was 10 that I even knew that my mother was alive.
My dad worked, went to school and attempted to raise us as best as he could. We were outcasts and considered strange living in a community of middle-class, two-parent households. My dad was isolated, without very many guidelines for the many roles he had to take on. Because of his parental responsibilities, my dad was a ?®soft?∆ male, which in those days did not go over real well. I saw and experienced more oppression and judgment toward my father than I did toward myself as a female.
We can say that the times have changed and things are very different. From what I have seen, I would say that maybe they are a little different, but not a great deal so.
The other day, my 19-year-old philosophical son was asking me why males
were limited and judged in our society regarding a lot of things. He
mentioned liking the smell of roses, but not being able to wear that
without judgment. And then I thought about how men are treated
differently than women in our society.
It seems that women are oppressed in leadership, financial, work and
institutional roles. Men seem to be more oppressed with how they are
meant to behave in the world.
Women can be strong, sensitive, dependent, independent, creative and
cry in public without judgment, while also being a mother, a father ???
and everything in between.
Men do not have nearly the same flexible choices and freedom to be who, and what, they really are.
Just think about the creative, sensitive, tender male. What is your
judgment on him? And what is your judgment on the strong, independent,
powerful woman?
So, if a male does not have as much freedom to be who he wants to be
concerning his natural self, then what happens to him? It seems that he
would be living life as a lie, and not able to be really authentic in
his day-to-day activities. In essence, he would have to be disconnected
in order to succeed in our culture. If he is disconnected, then
wouldn??t he be lacking a little in compassion? And if that is so, then
can??t we see how that would result in the oppression of other people?
Maybe one of the many solutions that we can use is changing our
concepts of the male. Even women I know who say they are progressive
will still expect a man to act like ?®a man.?∆ They want the provider
male with the sensitive male, while they still want to be taken care of.
Over the years, I have heard many men complain about not really knowing any more what their roles are or
what women want. I have also heard women confused about what they want from their male partners.
Perhaps it is time to support what behavior is authentic for each individual, and accept the authenticity of both men and women.
?ÿ
Janese Johnson has
been doing intuitive counseling nationally for more than 20 years. She
may be contacted at janesej-at-bellsouth.net.
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