| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
My girlfriend of four months and I work in the same warehouse, and arenët required to dress up on the job. Although sheës very attractive, she wears jeans everywhere: Levis to work, Levis cut-offs to swim, etc. The one time I asked her to dress up for a date, she wore a jean skirt. Am I far enough into this relationship to buy her an outfit or comment on her clothing? I donët want to hurt her feelings. Weëre very good together, and I can see us having a future.
ÇƒÓ Girly Friendly
It
all started in offices across America with "casual Friday." Like horror
movie ooze, Gap khaki spread across the work week, until casual Friday
was preceded by casual Monday through Thursday. There was no place to
go but down. Before long, casual Friday started looking more like
sloppy Saturday, and your corporate lawyer was greeting you at the
elevator in flip-flops and pajama bottoms.
Lately, itës
increasingly hard to tell $20 million leading ladies from those earning
$20 a day redeeming cans, and ragged, unshaven Hollywood moguls from
ragged, unshaven Hollywood Boulevard bums. Since both often appear to
be shouting at nobody in particular, it helps to look for the Bluetooth
headset ÇƒÓ a sign that the guy probably has a real live person on the
other end of his ravings, and parks something tagged "Jaguar" or
"Mercedes," not "Please Return This Cart To Staples."
Back on
warehouse row, you donët expect your girlfriend to spend her days
pallet-hopping in a Roberto Cavalli evening dress and four-inch maribou
mules. But, assuming you wonët be transporting her to dinner on a
forklift, you arenët out of line to want her to dress for dates as if
sheës aspiring to change your life, not your oil. Instead of despairing
that she has yet to break the denim barrier, try to see the fact that
she worked her way up to a jean skirt for what it is: a riveted,
five-pocket ray of hope. Her effort suggests she isnët willfully
ignoring what you want; sheës simply ignorant of the obvious: You
attract more men with lace than burlap.
The best way to
tell somebody "Hereës how Iëll find you attractive" is not to suggest
that you have, for some time, been finding them not-so-attractive. Tell
your girlfriend youëre taking her someplace elegant, and want to buy
her something special to wear, then make helping her pick it out part
one of your date. Wax on about how beautiful she looks, and keep waxing
after sheës back in her barn-wear.
Window-shop at establishments that
do not feature denim, pointing out how hot sheëd look in this or that.
You get the drill. And sheëll get the message, and without you ever
saying youëve kind of had it with greeting her at the door and
wondering, "Do we have a date or a broken water main?"
Tempting as it
may be to shrug off fashion intransigence as a petty idiosyncrasy, if
you need eye candy to be happy, you two wonët make it unless she starts
dressing to the nines instead of the threes. Whether she can or will
remains to be seen. While youëre waiting to find out, try to
incorporate her current look into your fantasies ÇƒÓ not the way it makes
you picture her cleaning out the garage, but by fast-forwarding to the
end of the day when the jeans come off. A little overtime in the
imagination department might be what it takes to have a future with
this girl ÇƒÓ especially if she intends to start it off in a relaxed-fit,
button-fly wedding gown.
Mash flow issues
Iëm 40, the cute
girl from upstairs is 23. When she stopped by to commiserate about loud
neighbors, we had a beer, went dancing, and then had sex. Afterward,
she seemed weird and left abruptly. I wrote her a note, "Sorry if I
made you uncomfortable, but I love you and look forward to seeing you
again." She hasnët looked at me since. Where did I go wrong?
ÇƒÓ Mr. Neighbor
Grateful as you
may be to a girl for having sex with you, itës never a good idea to let
on. You couldëve had a future with her ÇƒÓ the kind 40-year-old guys
without handfuls of bling typically have with 23-year-old girls:
jump-starting their cars, lugging their couches up four flights of
stairs, and maybe catching a little action when there are no hot young
guys to be found. You blew it, though, with "Iëm a lonely sack of
emptiness!" ÇƒÓ which is how "I love you" translates after one beer, one
dance, and one roll in the sack. (You say "I love you"; she says "It
seemed like a good idea at the time.")
ï
Got a problem?
Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or
e-mail AdviceAmy-at-aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
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