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REVIEW: ‘Clean’ comedian David Coulier hits on all cylinders
Monday, 04 November 2013 12:55
By JOHN NORTH
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FRANKLIN — Comedian David Coulier did it all — some wacky impressions, a dead-on Bullwinkle voice and even played some mean cowboy and blues harmonica — during his show on Oct. 5 at the Smoky Mountain Center for the Performing Arts.

Coulier, best known for the role of Joey Gladstone on the ABC sitcom “Full House,” was introduced as the spearhead of the “Clean Guys of Comedy” film/broadcast. 

Paradoxically, Coulier admitted during his Franklin show that he remains a great admirer of the late comedian Richard Pryor, whom he called “a genius of comedy.” (However, Pryor also was known for using colorful vulgarities, profanities and racial epithets during his standup performances, sharply contrasting with Coulier’s G-rated show.)

Featuring nary a four-letter word, but perhaps a few too many jokes (for some tastes) on bodily functions, his 90-minute show without an intermission appeared to delight the between 400 and 500 people in attendance.

Clad in a black-and-white checked shirt, blue jeans and white lace-up shoes, Coulier bounded onto the stage to open the show, noting with mock glee that he had been provided with all of the essentials — a tall stool, a towel and a bottle of water. “Thanks … and goodnight!” he deadpanned, triggering laughter from the audience from the get-go.

He noted that “people ask me some really dumb questions about ‘Full House.’” For instance, Coulier said, “People ask me if I knew all of the characters on ‘Full House.’” To that, he quipped, “No, we were all holograms… We worked from a GreenScreen.” More seriously, Coulier said he really did know all of the “Full House” cast members — and still maintains friendships with many of them.

Coulier said he now lives in Los Angeles, noting “it’s one of those cities where there are actors and people in show business,” working in all kinds of jobs. Recently at an L.A. eatery, a waiter introduced himself by noting that “I’m also a producer.”

“Well, I asked, ‘Could you ‘produce’ some water and bread?” Coulier recalled saying, causing the audience to roar with laughter.

As a standup comedian, he said, “My job is professional immaturity, really.”

Coulier noted that as a comedian, he travels by airplanes frequently and has noticed that the “pilots sound a little too sophisticated… They sound almost comatose” and smug in their addresses to the passengers from behind their locked cockpit door.

Continuing, he said, “Well, I’d love to be an airline captain. You’ve got a microphone and your audience isn’t going anywhere” — what more could a comedian want? Coulier then went through several comedy routines that he would use, if he were a pilot, to scare — or at least tickle the ribs of — his passengers.

On a separate tack, he lamented the trend in which Hollywood leading men tend to speak in a whisper. Coulier playfully lambasted macho movie star icon Clint Eastwood for starting the whispering style.

The general leading-man dialogue, he joked, includes “first, I’ve got to defuse the bomb… then, I’ve got to save your life and ... one more thing … I’m falling in love with you!”

Coulier noted that many leading sports heroes “are going down” these days. “They’re cheating and getting caught.” Specifically, he cited New York Yankees third-baseman Alexander “A-Rod” Rodriguez and former professional road-racing cyclist Lance Armstrong. When the scandals erupt, the athletes tend to lose their commercial sponsors in short order, he said.

Conspiratorially, Coulier suggested, “They should be able to do one last funny commercial before they let them loose.” As an example, Coulier suggested the following slogan for a disgraced athlete:

“’Nike: Our products are so good, it’s like you’re cheating.’”

Regarding his father, Coulier said, “My Dad believed in miracles. He just turned 83. He’s really closed off to only one group of individuals — men with really long hair.” The comedian then told several stories of his father seeing questionable situations and concluding that there must be men with long hair involved and that they also inevitably would be on drugs.

He also said, “texting drives my Dad crazy.” Coulier said his father never could understand why one would send a text message rather than talk to someone on the telephone. One person told his father, “It’s because I don’t want to talk” to the person he is texting. 

As for his son, Coulier noted that, at one point during his schooling, the boy came home with grades of “A” in Spanish and “D” in English. “Do you realize you got an “A” in Spanish and a “D” in your native language?” he recalled asking his son.

Without missing a beat, he said his son replied evenly, “Si, señor!”

Despite the difficulties of communicating with a teenager, now that his son is away at college, “I miss him.” However, when his son comes home, “God forbid, if I say anything while he’s on the Xbox (videogaming) ‘drip.’”

Coulier noted that he, himself “peaked with Mario Bros. (an arcade game)” during his youth. He added that “it (Mario Bros.) was a confidence-building game,” while Xbox — for him — is confidence-destroying.

Perhaps because of his son’s command of Xbox and his father’s hamhandedness with it, “My kid just makes fun of me openly … to my face,” Coulier said.

Beyond the video games, Coulier said his son informed him recently that he needs to get his “zheimer’s” checked, using a hip shortening of the disease alzheimer’s.

“There are so many things could can be sick with now,” Coulier said in reference to his own aging. To that end, his son also told him that he needs to get a colonoscopy because his friend’s father recently had a colonoscopy. Predictably, many colonoscopy jokes followed.

When he was a young child, Coulier said his brother Dan taught him “to do voices (impressions)” and was better than him at it — that is, “until at age 9, I did a duck with a pencil caught in his throat. Then, there was no looking back….” 

As the crowd laughed at his impression of a duck with the aforementioned malady, Coulier said, “Hey, that could come in handy,” citing the possibility of a thief asking for his wallet — and startling the would-be thief with that voice, causing the theft to say — as he was running away — that Coulier should spend the money in his wallet to get his voice fixed.

“When I was a kid, I’d do impressions of people I knew… I was a wimpy kid growing up… One guy who was a bully — I’d do the Cowardly Lion voice (from the “Wizard of Oz”) — and he beat the crap out of me.” In retrospect, that particular voice was not a good idea, he solemnly concluded.

“When I was a kid, I started using the Bullwinkle voice” — and it made everyone around him laugh. “What if you used the Bullwinkle voice in real life?” he mused, offering some hilarious examples of how people, perhaps bored with their mundane lives, might be startled.

“It’s nice to see that Elmer Fudd voice in GEICO commercials,” Coulier said. “I loved ‘The Jetsons’ growing up because they had a family spaceship.” With much glee, Coulier imitated the sound of The Jetsons spaceship.

 In his career, “I got to work with a lot of my heroes,” he said, citing his association with Jim Henson, creator of ‘The Muppets.’”

 After asking and answering his own question — “You know what the best part of this show is? It ends.” — Coulier transitioned into a series of quick impressions.

 Among the stars he imitated — all to hilarious effect — were Chris Rock, Richard Pryor and Tom Hanks (in the latter’s role in the film “Cast Away”).

 Coulier noted that most people he knows are extremely annoyed when they receive telephone calls from telemarketers, but for him, as a standup comedian, they are a welcome treat to have great fun. 

 He then told of such a call he received from a young woman named Sarah, to whom he responded with an evil screech, akin to one from a horror movie. Eventually, as she tried to continue with her sales pitch, he ran through his repertoire of scary voices, prompting her to eventually hang up on him. “I don’t think that I’ll ever hear back from Sarah — or Toys For Tots,” Coulier said, as the crowd roared with laughter.

On a more quixotic note, Coulier said, “The weather’s going crazy” across the United States, with droughts, flooding and hurricanes. “I think the planet wants us to leave,” he mused.

On an ever-so-slightly more serious note, Coulier suggested the problems revolves around the fact that “we don’t name these storms with scary enough names.”

The storms, such as Karen and other commonplace, nonthreatening names, need to be named “Maximus or Kardashian or Snooky… something that will scare you … We had Hurricane Dean. Who’s that going to scare?”

At that point, he announced, “I brought a little music for you.” Coulier whipped out a harmonica and began playing a cowboy song. Then he played a blue riff, noting, “The blues — that’s what the harmonica was built for.”

Next, he noted, “Sometimes I write things for ae show that don’t fit in the regular program. Among the random one-liners he rolled out were the following:

• “I met a woman named Carmen,” who said her mother named her for her two favorite things — cars and men. Coulier mused, “Maybe I’ll change my name to Golfboobs.”

• “I broke my glasses and got a kit with a little screwdriver and I realized ... I need glasses to fix my glasses.”

• “What if the ‘Hokey Pokey’ IS what it’s all about?”

• “Horror films have really ruined it for hitchhikers.”

• “I go to the beach, where I see a guy walk by with a lot of back hair. I say, ‘Hey, get back here.’”

• “I think I’ve been to enough places, I think I could make people think I’m from any country.” Coulier then did voices, using ridiculous combinations of English phrases, with that language’s inflections, making them sound legitimate. Among the languages he imitated were Spanish, French, Japanese, German, Indian and Chinese. 

As the crowd laughed and cheered, a smiling Coulier said, “I know I’m like a language savante.” He then bowed, thanked the crowd for coming to his show and left the stage... with a smile.

 



 


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