Max Brooks

By JOHN NORTH

Author and self-proclaimed zombie expert Max Brooks, author of the bestseller “World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War,” spooked and teased a near-capacity crowd of 500 persons — mostly students —  during his talk last Friday evening in UNC Asheville’s Lipsinsky Auditorium.

His 30-minute presentation was titled “10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack.” Afterward, he fielded questions for another half hour and then signed his books in the Alumni Room at UNCA’s Highsmith University Union, with a long line of students snaking far down the hallway, for at least an hour. Earlier in the day, Brooks led a creative writing workshop for UNCA students.

“World War Z” is scheduled to be adapted as a major motion picture for release in 2012, starring Brad Pitt. Brooks is the son of comedian, writer, actor and filmmaker Mel Brooks, and his mother is the late Oscar-winning actress Ann Bancroft.

A former writer for television’s “Saturday Night Live,” Brooks has written a continuous stream of books and articles about Zombies in recent years. Publisher’s Weekly noted that “World War Z” also offers jabs at contemporary politicians and policies, and found the novel “refreshingly hard to put down.”

Brooks claims he is “the pre-eminent authority on dispatching the relentless, flesh-eating armies of Zombies that seem to be everywhere these days.” His most recent book is a graphic novel, “The Zombie Survival Guide: Recorded Attacks” (2009). The Daily Best published his most recent short story, “The Extinction Parade: An Original Zombie Story,” online in January 2011.

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UNCA audience members were asked if they are ready for a Zombie outbreak.

Two UNCA student groups — Hillel and the Literature Club — sponsored Brooks’ campus appearances.

As Brooks noted during his talk, interest in Zombies has surged in recent yars, with the smashing success of the film “Zombieland,” the bestseller, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and the critically acclaimed TV series, “The Walking Dead.” On the local level, Asheville has an annual Zombie Walk, which residents watch with amusement.
Brooks began his address by asserting, “Thank you all for coming out and caring enough about your lives” to attend. As the crowd laughed, Brooks deadpanned, “I find nothing remotely funny about being killed and eaten by Zombies.

“People ask me, ‘Why do you write about Zombies?’ and I say, ‘because they scare me’ ... Zombies are scary because they don’t follow the rules of monsters — you have to find them ... You all have to make a conscious effort to find Zombies. Therefore, I have no sympathy” for those who go about it in a stupid way, making bad choices.
When he is writing books about Zombies, Brooks said he strives to keep the readers engaged by building in drama and “that means the characters have to make bad choices.”

“World War Z” became a best-seller.

So if there is a noise outside, one male character might ask, “What’s that? His buddy might answer, “I don’t know.” After a pause, the first guy would say, “Uh, Chet, go out there and check it out ... Molly and I will go back in that back room and have sex.” The crowd roared with laughter.

“In a Zombie outbreak, there’s not going to be little boxes from the Red Cross that will take care of everything ... This is what we’re dealing with ... That’s why we need to be as expert — and boring — as possible.

“If there’s a Zombie outbreak — the most important thing you’ll need is water ... You won’t be shooting and chopping (Zombies) every minute of every day, but you will be losing liquid ... You’ll need water — and clean water ... You’ll need a water filter.” Without clean water, Brooks said surviving human beings will be too sick to resist the Zombies.

“And because this is America, we’ve got to talk about guns ... Actually, we’ve got more guns than people,” based on various studies. Even with guns, “the other thing you’ll need is bullets,” Brooks said. “Even if one-half (of Americans) are ‘Zombified,’ you’ll need more bullets than you can stuff into your underpants.”

He then asked if there were any history majors in the crowd. When nobody immediately responded, Brooks quipped, “No? That’s OK. We’re just condemned to repeat this.” The crowd again laughed.

“When it comes time to find your” weapon to defend against Zombies, “you go to the hardware store.” He suggested being imaginative in choices that could range from various digging, cutting and chopping implements.
“Let’s also talk about vehicles, because this is America ... Guns need bullets, cars need gas .. Where I’m from in L.A., we have hybrids, which means you get twice as far before you run out” of fuel ... If there’s a Zombie outbreak, you’ll need a bicycle.”

What’s more on “Z Day,” when the Zombies attack, “you’ll need a place to go ... If you say you’ll just go to a tropical island, but those places will fill up quickly ... I say you get a map and spread it out — and find a place where nobody will go ... Guess what? You’ll have to learn to live there quickly because (otherwise) the climate will get you before any Zombie does.”

Brooks, who made much fun of Canadians, added, “You’re not getting across the border to Canada.” In the United States, “there are 300 million Americans and I don’t know how many Mexicans and (undocumented) Canadians,” the latter of whom he referred to as “the snow demons to the north.” He warned the UNCA audience to forget about moving to Canada if Zombies invade the U.S., because the Canadians do not like Americans and will be as fierce as the Zombies in defending their Southern border.

To that end, he mentioned the recent book and movie, “Into the Wild,” which he succintly summarized as “an (expletive deleted) goes into the wilderness and dies ... The reason we have society is so we can get out of the wilderness.”

He added, “History majors will tell us about white men who discover places where people already live.”

In venturing abroad to elude the Zombies, Brooks warned, “You’ll have to be culturally sensitive with the indigenous people” one encounters. For instance, he said those traveling to Greenland should not address a native as “eskimo.” Moreover, he said, “You’ll have to go native ... as a group.”

Brad Pitt will star in a film version of “World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War.”

Taking a Rambo, or army of one, approach, will not be successful against the Zombies. “A group, with each person specializing,” will have a much greater chance of surviving, he said. In fact, he said in America, “We all specialized — and (that is how) we took over the world.”

“As I understand it, this (UNCA) is basically” a liberal arts school, which “means you know nothing.” The crowd laughed.

In choosing people to join one’s group, Brooks advised being selective and finding out where the prospects are mentally, too. The best way to get to know a prospective group member is to get that individual drunk and ask what he or she thought of the movie “The Passion of the Christ.” Brooks quipped, “If he says, ‘The Jews really deserved it,’” then it would be wise to exclude that person from the group.

Even though “most of you college students are too young to know ‘Aliens,’ figure out who” in one’s group is akin to the character, Private Hudson, who is portrayed as an over-confident, self-assured, and blithe character who constantly brags about his and his team’s abilities “Find your group and get your skills together.”

As the crowd continued laughing, Brooks noted, “This is why ‘The Zombie Survival Guide’ is in the humor section” of bookstores.

At the end of the show, he called for an audience volunteer to join him on stage, so Brooks could demonstrate the proper way to respond to a Zombie attack. At that point, a male volunteer approached him, with arms outstretched like a Zombie, and Brooks ran off the stage, showing that he himself would beat a hasty retreat if confronted by a Zombie. The crowd gave him an extended standing ovation.