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Harrison Ford reprises his role as Indiana Jones in the latest film in the megapopular series, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”
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By ROGER EBERT
“Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Say it aloud. The very title causes the pulse to quicken, if you, like me, are a lover of pulp fiction. What I want is goofy action — lots of it. I want man-eating ants, swordfights between two people balanced on the backs of speeding jeeps, subterranean caverns of gold, vicious femme fatales, plunges down three waterfalls in a row, and the explanation for flying saucers. And throw in lots of monkeys.
The Indiana Jones movies were directed by Steven Spielberg and written by George Lucas, but they exist in a universe of their own. Hell, they created it. All you can do is compare one to the other three. And even then, what will it get you? If you eat four pounds of sausage, how do you choose which pound tasted the best? Well, the first one, of course, and then there’s a steady drop-off of interest. That’s why no Indy adventure can match “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (1981). But if “Crystal Skull” (or “Temple of Doom” from 1984 or “Last Crusade” from 1989) had come first in the series, who knows how much fresher it might have seemed? True, “Raiders of the Lost Ark” stands alone as an action masterpiece, but after that the series is compelled to be, in the words of Indiana himself, “same old same old.” Yes, but that’s what I want it to be.
“Crystal Skull” even dusts off the Russians, so severely
under-exploited in recent years, as the bad guys. Up against them,
Indiana Jones is once again played by Harrison Ford, who is now 65 but
looks a lot like he did at 55 or 46, which is how old he was when he
made “Last Crusade.” He has one of those Robert Mitchum faces that
doesn’t age, it only frowns more. He and his sidekick Mac McHale (Ray
Winstone) are taken by the cool, contemptuous Soviet uber-villainess
Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) to a cavernous warehouse to seek out a
crate he saw there years ago. The contents of the crate are
hyper-magnetic (lord, I love this stuff) and betray themselves when
Indy throws a handful of gunpowder into the air.
In ways too labyrinthine to describe, the crate leads Indy, Mac, Irina
and the Russians far up the Amazon. Along the way they’ve gathered
Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), Indy’s girlfriend from the first film,
and a young biker named Mutt Williams (Shia LeBeouf), who is always
combing his ducktail haircut. They also acquire Professor Oxley (John
Hurt), elderly colleague from the University of Chicago, whose function
is to read all the necessary languages, know all the necessary
background, and explain everything.
What happens in South America is explained by the need to create (1)
sensational chase sequences, and (2) awe-inspiring spectacles. We get
such sights as two dueling Jeep-like vehicles racing down parallel
roads. Not many of the audience members will be as logical as I am, and
wonder who went to the trouble of building parallel roads in a rain
forest. Most of the major characters eventually find themselves at the
wheels of both vehicles; they leap or are thrown from one to another,
and the vehicles occasionally leap right over one another. And that
Irina, she’s something. Her Russian backups are mostly just atmosphere,
useful for pointing their rifles at Indy, but she can fight, shoot,
fence, drive, leap and kick, and keep on all night.
All leads to the discovery of a subterranean chamber beneath an ancient
pyramid, where they find an ancient city made of gold and containing
... but wait, I forgot to tell you they found a crystal skull in a
crypt. Well sir, it’s one of 13 crystal skulls, and the other 12 are in
that chamber. When the set is complete, amazing events take place.
Prof. Oxley carries the 13th skull for most of the time, and finds it
repels man-eating ants. It also represents one-thirteenth of all
knowledge about everything, leading Irina to utter the orgasmic words,
“I want ... to know!” In appearance, the skull is a cross between the
aliens of the Special Edition of Spielberg’s “Close Encounters of the
Third Kind” and the hood ornaments of 1950s Pontiacs.
What is the function of the chamber? “It’s a portal — to another
dimension!” Oxley says. Indy is sensible: “I don’t think we wanna go
that way.” It is astonishing that the protagonists aren’t all killed 20
or 30 times, although Irina will beome The Women Who Knew Too Much. At
his advanced age, Prof.Oxley tirelessly jumps between vehicles,
survives fire and flood and falling from great heights, and would win
on “American Gladiator.” Relationships between certain other characters
are of interest, since (a) the odds against them finding themselves
together are astronomical, and (b) the odds against them not finding
themselves together in this film are incalculable.
Now what else can I tell you, apart from mentioning the blinking red
digital countdown, and the moving red line tracing a journey on a map?
I can say that if you liked the other Indiana Jones movies, you will
like this one, and that if you did not, there is no talking to you. And
I can also say that a critic trying to place it into a hierarchy with
the others would probably keep a straight face while recommending the
second pound of sausage.
Ebert Rating: Three and one-half stars
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Roger Ebert is a Pulitzer Prize-winning film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times.
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