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The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Your advice for the 25-year-old woman who didnít want to get involved with a guy with a daughter was disgustingly shallow. In supporting her not wanting to date single dads youíre saying, yes, segregate single parents, remove them from the dating pool! Yes, how dare they try to pass themselves off as people first, not as potentially inadequate mates due to being broke, having the psycho ex, and the bedwetting child?! Hereís advice for you: Compassion. Itís developed by seeing and sharing life. Try getting out of the shallow end of the humanity pool and seeing the wider world of relationships!
ó Single Dad
Tragically, it seems youíve lost your all-access pass to the dating pool.
Unlike when you were in nursery school, and teachers aides saw that
every kid got the exact same allotment of Jelly Bellys, advice
columnists are not standing outside bars making sure everybody leaves
with a smiley sticker and a hot 25-year-old. Grownup life is harsh.
Actions have consequences. Sorry to bring down the giant fly swatter on
your free-floating sense of entitlement, but you gave up your Romeo
status the day you let Tommy Trouser Snake out to play without his
raincoat.
Parents arenít people first. Theyíre parents first. Here in ìthe
shallow end of the humanity pool,î this means the parental agenda
precedes all other agendas, as it should. In other words, youíre a wee
bit more likely than the single, 25-year-old stud boy to have your date
interrupted by a frantic call from the neighbors: ìLittle Sproglyís
shot the babysitter with the staple gun!î
Now, unless your ex died or ran off with the UPS man, or you worked a
deal for some neighbor lady to be the oven for your bun, chances are
youíre not just a single dad, but a divorced dad. There is this notion
of ìthe good divorce,î but is there really such a thing? There are
better divorces and worse divorces, and there are couples who arenít
doing their kids any favors by staying together and continuing to chase
each other around with an ax.
But, letís be real, even if you arenít alimony-bled, with a psycho
ex-wife and a 15-year-old whoís suddenly wetting the bed, divorce
doesnít exactly simplify a guyís life or leave a trail of rose petals
and cupcakes in its wake. The girl in question, who admitted she wasnít
ready to handle a guy with a kid, could have a boyfriend whose only
real distraction is getting his motorcycle rechromed. Or she could have
you. So ... if you were her, which would you choose?
Assuming youíre
looking for a boyfriend, not looking to become a one-woman chapter of
the Salvation Army.
Oops . . . I forgot to ask if I could take your coat and your crown of
thorns. And, please see that your stigmata donít drip on my white
carpet. Next order of business: putting a tracker on my compassion.
Actually, no need. I believe I left it in the kiddie pool with all the
children of divorce. The last thing they need is for me to goad a girl
who isnít ready to take on kids into taking them on anyway.
Sorry if Iím just too shallow to see it your way: Why urge some
child-averse woman to bail now when she can bail a year from now, after
your kidís really attached to her?
On the bright side, what kids canít get in stability, they tend to take
out in guilt, which may mean, before long, your kidíll not only be the
proud owner of a miniature Shetland pony, itíll be living in her
bedroom: ìDaddddeeeeeey, Rambler missed the potty again!î
Altitude adjustment
Iím having a hard time finding a boyfriend, and my friends say itís
because Iím too picky. Iím very tall and really only attracted to tall
guys (6 feet 2 and up). How can I, as my friends suggest, be ìmore
open-mindedî on the height issue?
ó Statuesque
People are quick to tell you ìItís whatís inside that counts.î Well, it
counts for a lot, just not enough if you donít want to get naked with
whatís on the outside.
Sure, relationships take compromise ó asking a guy to wait till youíre
at work to rehearse his death-metal ukulele, requesting he clip his
toenails into the wastebasket instead of the ficus tree. But, itís not
like you can ask him to stop being 5 feet 2. Much as short guys scream,
yell, and pound their tiny fists at the injustice of height queens,
what guy wants a girlfriend whoís with him because her friends say itís
the ìopen-mindedî thing to do? Tell your well-meaning but misguided
compadres it isnít the size of the man ... unless the size of the man
has you answering the question ìSo, how did you two lovebirds meet?î
with ìWell, one day I lowered my standards and there he was!î
ï
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA
90405, or e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
(www.advicegoddess.com).
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