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The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Iím a 20-something guy with a hobby of taking pictures of myself with female friends. Nobody objected in high school, and collecting memories of girls who were kind to me brought me comfort, since girls rarely talk to me. Now, in the workplace, everythingís complicated. Although some friendly female co-workers agreed to be in my photos, someone complained, and my supervisor said I could be fired for sexual harassment. I was depressed, and lonelier than ever, then I discovered volunteering. I began asking to photograph some of the female volunteers; some, near strangers, but 60 years from now, will I care? The following week, the coordinator said I was making other volunteers uncomfortable. She asked me to delete the photos, but I only pretended to because Iíd done nothing wrong ó Iím just a normal guy taking photos with female friends. Now she says I canít bring my camera to future events. How do I continue without getting in trouble?
ó Misunderstood
ìIím just a normal guy who enjoys collecting fingernail clippings to
remember women whoíve been nice to me. Uh ... ëScuse me, maíam. I know
you donít know me, but would you mind if I took a swab of your DNA?î
Quit kidding yourself. You arenít making friends, youíre gathering
specimens. You call this a ìhobby of taking pictures,î and refer to
yourself as ìjust a normal guy.î Sorry, but ìnormalî is going home to a
wife or girlfriend, not a picture of a girl sitting next to you at a
bus stop in college. And I say this as somebody whoís quick to precede
ìnormalî with ìboringly,î and who sees ìeverybodyís doing itî as no
reason everybody else should be doing it, too. The problem is, women
donít find your behavior normal, they find it creepy. Sure, maybe they
agree to be in the picture, but probably a good many of them picture it
as a prelude to ending up in a 55-gallon drum in your garage.
If you like being a loner, fine. Go live with the grizzlies. Otherwise,
cut the charade. Alleviating loneliness with pictures of people is like
giving a homeless guy a picture of a cheeseburger, and telling him,
ìIíll be back later with a picture of an apartment!î Your problem isnít
that you might get rejected but that you absolutely refuse to be. Yes,
but what if some girl laughs at you or tells you to bug off? What if?
Ball lightning will not rise from the floor tile and reduce you to a
pile of ash. Lock up the camera and make yourself talk to 100 people,
men and women, and youíll see. Itís really pretty simple. Express
interest. Ask people about themselves, and not just if theyíd mind
standing a little more to the left.
This little program is sure to start out hard and unfun. But, is being
blown off, or the mere prospect of it, really so devastating that itís
less painful to sentence yourself to 60-plus years of creeping over
photos of the life you wish youíd had? There are some real dorks out
there who have wives, friends, and girlfriends (some, all at the same
time). The difference between you and them? They had the guts to try to
mouth-breathe their way into the girlsí lives. If youíre going to try,
youíd better hop to it. Creepy at 23 can be adorably awkward, and is
probably fixable. Creepy at 43 is probably permanent, which isnít to
say thereís no hope for friends or girlfriends ó providing you arenít
too lazy to inflate them.
Here comes the bribe
Iím a 20-year-old guy, and I like this girl a lot. I think she likes
me, but Iím not sure whether sheíll go out with me. Should I buy her a
necklace with her birthstone for her birthday, or is that coming on too
strong?
ó Interested
The shortest distance between two points does not involve a detour to
Zales. Point A: Youíre interested. Point B: You want to know whether
sheís interested back. Hmm ... do you buy her jewelry and try to read
her thoughts as she opens the box? Or ... think big, go straight to her
dad, and ask whether heíll take 40 goats and 20 cows for her hand in
marriage? Or ... hereís a novel concept: ASK HER OUT! Yes, it really is
the thought that counts, and if you buy jewelry for a woman you have
yet to date, her thoughtís likely to be that youíre too needy,
desperate, and lacking in confidence to think your company and a couple
mojitos would be enough. Of course, there are women who will overlook
such things ó those who see you as the shortest distance between them
and cash, prizes, and maybe a new washing machine.
ï
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA
90405, or e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
(www.advicegoddess.com).
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