|
Wednesday, 21 June 2006 03:57 |
| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon
|
For about six weeks, I??ve been seeing a guy who??s here on a temporary work contract. We get along well, and I like him ?? despite his right-wing political views, his messy place and his college kid diet. However, last night he told me I??ve grown on him and he??s fond of me. Fond of me? Who says that? He??ll soon be moving across the country to his next three-month gig and wants me to come see him. Should I take the position that I??ll come when he sends me a plane ticket? I??m just trying to keep from investing myself in somebody who doesn??t value me. Am I expecting too much from a six-week relationship? ?? Disappointed
Ovaries suddenly shouting ?®last call??∆ Biological clock not just ticking but wired to plastic explosive?
This is
the real world, not a $3 paperback. Sure, if you were the girl in the
corset who gets bent backward by the guy in the pirate suit, he??d
already be carrying you over the threshold of your two-drawbridge
starter castle. But, here you are feeling romantically ripped off
because a guy who??s known you for six weeks announced he??s fond of you
and you??ve grown on him ?? and he probably doesn??t mean like back hair
or a precancerous lesion.
Maybe fonder feelings will come, or maybe this will turn out to be a
?®time and place?∆ thing ?? like an airplane flight where you and your
seatmate have some magical connection for five hours and 22 minutes,
then collect your luggage, walk out of the airport and never see each
other again. Of course, even if this guy does feel more than ?®fond,?∆ he
might be wary of saying so, since many women see any declaration of
feelings as a sort of promissory note, auto-translating a guy??s ?®I love
you?∆ into ?®You owe me.?∆ (Not to worry, Dude, a bunch of carats will do.)
It also pays to remember that men aren??t exactly the gushy sex.
Compared to women, their brain structure and hormonal makeup leave them
less able to store and process emotion. They typically aren??t so hot at
talking about it, either. Perhaps this is understandable, considering
that brain scans generally reveal women using both halves of their
brain while speaking and men only using one half. This doesn??t mean men
are dumb. In emotional expressiveness, they??re like my ?®Historical
Dictionary of American Slang,?∆ which stops at the letter ?®O?∆ because
the publisher ran out of money. If I need something from ?®P?∆ through
?®Z,?∆ I??ll probably have to go to the library and root it out myself.
If you want more than ?®fond,?∆ all you can do is wait for the guy to
show it to you. That??s how men express their feelings; they don??t sit
around chattering about them like schoolgirls. Avoid getting all pissy
about plane tickets or coming on like he??s your one final chance not to
be a spinster ?? even if he is. He did tell you he was there on a
temporary work contract, which meant he??d probably be moving on when it
ended, not moving into a kneeling position with Barry Manilow in the
background.
Maybe the question you most need to ask is whether you really want him
or you just want him to want you. After all, while he isn??t exactly
cribbing sweet nothings from some bodice-ripper, you merely say you
?®like him?∆ and ?®get along well?∆ ?? as a prelude to a litany of
complaints about how he??s a messy, under-expressive right-winger who
eats badly.
The silent, silent type
Last
year, at a party, a friend??s brother began talking to me and playing
with my 3-year-old daughter. Upon leaving, he even kissed me on the
cheek. I saw him occasionally afterward, and we had brief
conversations. My friends think he??s interested, but lately, when I run
into him, it??s a lot if I get a ?®hello.?∆ Do you think I somehow rubbed
him the wrong way?
?? Cold-Shouldered
It??s possible an
evil sorceress put a curse on him that stops him from dialing your
number or asking, ?®Are you busy Saturday night??∆ It??s likely, however,
that he??s too wimpy, not attracted, or thought twice about dating
somebody with a daughter.
If it??s the latter two, you??re probably out of luck. If he??s simply a
wimp, chances are he wanted to ask you out but was too afraid to call
you. Then, he couldn??t call you because he didn??t call you. Then, he
couldn??t speak to you when he saw you because he didn??t call you.
And besides, what would you two have to talk about ?? apart from what a
weenie he is about picking up the phone? Well, if you??re smart, maybe
mention how relieved you are that you??ve finally given up on him...or
maybe it would be kinder just to mumble something about the weather.
?ÿ
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier
Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy-at-aol.com (http://www.advicegoddess.com)
|
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
