So, for you, going fishing must mean standing on the dock holding a frying pan over the water, snarling, ìWhy hasnít a trout leapt into my pan?!î

I do wish your ìLife should be fair!î approach worked. Unfortunately, I find stamping my feet and shouting ìI should be a multimillionairess!î merely seems to lead to sore feet. And, what a shock, a woman has yet to spot you in a bar and say to her friend, ìHey, see that man down there who looks like he hates humanity? Bet heís debt-free and owns his own home. I think Iíll go ply him with alcohol, then beg him to go out with me!î

In most animal species, itís the males that are the sexual aggressors. Boy elk have big antlers to show dominance and get girl elk ó not to give people a place to hang their hats in Western-themed bars. Human women are attracted to men who have the guts to make moves on them and ask them out ó as opposed to men who stand around primping their hair and smoothing their dresses, hoping against hope that some girl will hit on them.

Sure, women can ask men out on first dates, but men tend to suspect thereís something wrong with women who do. Women evolved to be the nightclub bouncers of mating and dating ó weeding out cads from dads, lest they become single mothers in the days before Kwik-E-Marts and portable Sony PlayStations. Men co-evolved to keep trying to crash the door. These days, men and women might be equal under the law, but that doesnít mean theyíre biologically the same. (Notice that funny hosey thing dangling between your thighs?) Male bodies are just coursing with the ideal chemical for doing the asking out, the aggression hormone testosterone. On average, men have 10 to 20 times more ìTî than women do; well, save for violent female criminals and any women you might encounter with Winnebago-sized pecs and full beards.

Maybe if you put yours to better use ó trying to charm your way into dates instead of trying to run anybody with labia out of business ó youíll have better luck with the ladies. Of course, this assumes you actually want dates, and you donít secretly prefer the safety of feeling victimized to the risky business of attempting to be happy. Look around. There are a whole lot of men out there with wives and girlfriends. Hmmm, is it possible the problem is you? After all, unbridled hostility is always such a girl magnet. In fact, there are probably millions of more successful approaches ó starting with going to bars dressed as a ë70s pop mogul, and asking every woman you meet, ìHey, baby, how ëbout I lick that film off your teeth?î

Weight by the phone

After four years, my much-younger girlfriend decided she couldnít be as good a girlfriend as she wanted to be, and broke off our relationship to develop her self-awareness and self-respect. She said sheíd call in a few years when she gets herself straightened out. I accepted that, but now I feel trapped. If I get a new girlfriend, and she calls back, I could cause the new girlfriend unjust pain by leaving her for my previous girlfriend. Help!
óMoral Bind

People donít always say exactly what they mean, or expect to hear exactly what you mean. Thatís why itís generally understood that the appropriate response to ìHow are you?î isnít ìOh, my irritable bowelís been acting up againî ó even if that happens to be the truth on stilts. This girl may be finding herself now, or she may be finding herself in some other guyís bed. Where sheíll find herself in a few years is anyoneís guess. All you can control is where youíll be ó ideally, not in the mind state to turn a probable sugarcoated curb-kicking into reason to build the worldís first altar with call waiting and Bluetooth.

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Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it (www.advicegoddess.com).