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The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
My boyfriend of eight months is a vegetarian, and believes all animals are created equal, and that we, as animals, donít have a right to eat other animals. Iím very much a carnivore, and feel my body needs the protein, although I agree with him that eating meat is morally wrong. When we first met, he said he didnít care if I ate meat. Now, when we eat out, and I mention that my food smells wonderful, he launches into a tirade about how Iíve made an animal suffer a horrendous death because of my eating habits. Consequently, Iíve stopped ordering meat when weíre together, and Iíve also stopped enjoying going out to dinner. Still, heís a gentle, thoughtful man, so maybe dietary sacrifices are worth it. Itís amazing that eating habits can be such a problem.
ó Animal Killer
Like a conch shell, which supposedly sounds like the ocean, maybe if
you listen closely to your burger you can hear echoes of the cow
screaming when it was slaughtered. Thoughts like that must go through
your head when youíre speeding away from your boyfriendís house,
reminding yourself that you, too, think itís morally wrong to eat meat.
And then . . . lemme guess . . . you make a hard right, pull up to an
intercom, roll down your window, and mutter, ìBacon double
cheeseburger, please.î
According to your boyfriend, people and cows are born equal. Then what
happens? Notice how cows have yet to build an International Space
Station, or even open one of those little key-making huts outside the
mall. But, does this mean we have a right to eat them? I think so ó
providing we give them a nice patch of grass and kill them humanely.
Still, your boyfriendís entitled to his beliefs, and youíre entitled to
yours . . . if you can remember where you stashed them.
It may help you to understand that there are good reasons to eat meat.
ìMeat is the single best source of virtually every vitamin but vitamin
C,î said Gary Taubes, an investigative science journalist whose
myth-busting book, ìGood Calories, Bad Calories,î (Sept. 2007) is sure
to revolutionize the American diet, proving that meat is not the health
demon itís made out to be.
Taubes pointed me toward nutritional
anthropologist Marvin Harrisí book ìGood To Eat,î in which Harris
explains that the ratios of essential amino acids in plant foods
(except soy) are not optimal for humans. (The scientific juryís still
out on whether scarfing large quantities of soy is healthy or safe.)
People have to eat huge quantities of nuts or legumes to match the
nutritional value of meat ìsince the least abundant essential amino
acids in plants are precisely the ones most needed by the human body.î
If only your boyfriend could have his Tofurky without cramming it down
your throat, too. Sorry, it isnít ìeating habitsî that are the problem,
but his habit of berating you about yours; probably to the point where
you canít even eye a happy-hour cocktail wiener without fearing heíll
burst into tears and scream, ìMurderer!î (Are we having fun yet?) If
Meatless Joe canít deal with your dietary choices, he should break up
with you, not try to guilt you into breaking up with glazed pork chops.
But, the real responsibility is yours ó to stand up for who you are and
find a man whoís okay with it, even if the particulars arenít okay for
him. Come on, admit it: Wouldnít you be happier as somebodyís
free-range girlfriend ó free to prefer the actual steak to the feeling
of moral superiority youíre supposed to get from not eating it?
Lip bomb
Sex with my boyfriend of a year is great, but he wonít kiss me. Well,
twice, he gave me close-lipped kisses, but thatís it. When I said
something, his response was, ìIím not a kissing kinda guy.î Another
time, he said, ìOkay, Iíll brush my teeth for two minutes and kiss
you.î It never happened, and he wonít talk further on the subject. What
can I do?
ó Love To Kiss
Oh, goody, the Marcel Marceau approach to dispute resolution, but
without the handy pantomime gestures. What do you have to do, get him
drunk ó not so heíll kiss you, but so he might unclench his lips enough
explain why he wonít? Kissing isnít some weird sex fetish. I mean, itís
not like youíre moping around wondering why he wonít let you bring in a
team of midgets with a vat of chocolate sauce. Unfortunately, it seems
the ìnot a kissing kinda guyî is paired with a ìnot a self-assertion
kinda girl.î Unless that changes, heís never going to suck face with
you and heís never going to tell you why. So, either get out now or get
comfy with someday hearing a guy in a clerical collar utter the words,
ìYou may now high-five the bride.î
ï
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA
90405, or e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
(www.advicegoddess.com).
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