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The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
Because I value trusting oneís instincts, Iím prompted to write about your advice to ìUneasy,î the woman whose boyfriend would go into another room to talk on the phone to his stepdaughters from a previous relationship. I feel the woman was expressing suspicion that he still had some interest in their mom out of an unwillingness to believe that he may be behaving inappropriately toward his stepdaughters. One in four women reports having been raped or molested in childhood, and stepfathers play a prominent role in those statistics. He may not be a ìmolester,î but maybe heís asking the girls about their bodies in ways that make them uncomfortable. You should have encouraged ìUneasyî to call a truce with her boyfriend: He takes calls openly, and she drops the nagging if there isnít anything unseemly going on.
ó Uneasier
Oh, the dark world of people who prefer to take their phone calls in
private. Yes, this guy could be a molester, and could be asking these
girls inappropriate questions about their bodies. And when I walk away
from my boyfriend to take a call, I could be planning the violent
overthrow of our government and arranging to trade my neighborsí twins
for a suitcase nuke ó or maybe I simply see no need for corroborating
witnesses when I try to reschedule my cleaning lady.
The woman in question admitted that she had no reason to believe her
boyfriend had any interest in an ex-wife heíd divorced over five years
earlier, or was anything but a stand-up guy trying to remain a father
figure to his very young stepdaughters.
Yet, according to you, merely
because he preferred to talk to the girls without his jealous
girlfriend standing over him, I should have encouraged her to say
something along the lines of ìHey, honey, Iíll calm down if only you
let me listen to your calls so I can be sure you arenít raping babies.î
Warped thinking like yours makes me realize how lucky I am to be a
woman and white as typing paper. Although I recently got stopped by a
cop for going the wrong way on a one-way street (he rolled his eyes and
let me go when he realized I wasnít drunk, just ditzy), Iím generally
safe from automatic presumptions of criminality like Driving While
Black or Living And Breathing While Male.
Here you are, parroting this outrageous man-bashing propaganda ó ìone
in four women reports having been raped or molested during childhoodî ó
maybe because you heard it repeated so often you assumed it was fact.
This figure is a common misquote of a survey by radical feminist
sociology professor Diana Russell. Although Russell presents herself as
a truth-seeking social scientist, her work reflects a substantial bias
against men, as evidenced by her claim, based on one of her studies,
that ìa considerable amount of marital sex is probably closer to the
rape end of the continuum.î
The actual figure from Russellís survey was an unbelievable one in 2.6
women sexually abused before the age of 18 ó a figure she arrived at
with substandard sampling techniques and what UC Berkeley professor
Neil Gilbert, in his book ìWelfare Justice,î calls ìresearch that lumps
together relatively harmless behavior such as attempted petting with
the traumatic experience of child rape.î For example, one of Russellís
questions asked, ìDid anyone ever try or succeed in touching your
breasts or genitals against your wishes before you turned 14?î Well, if
you put it that way, even I was a victim of child sexual abuse: It was
sixth grade, we were playing spin the bottle in somebodyís basement,
and the boy who kissed me tried to feel me up.
Should we really count a quick boob grab I got from some sixth-grader
the same as the experience of some other 12-year-old girl who was
repeatedly forced to have sex with her uncle? We should if weíre
looking to criminalize being male ó and never mind if that poisons
relations between women and men, dilutes funding and attention to real
victims, and leads to prejudicial policies like British Airwaysí that
no unaccompanied minor can sit next to a man. (Which ó horrors! ó means
some unaccompanied brat is more likely to be seated next to me!)
Women best protect themselves by appraising men as individuals, based
on evidence, not by leaping to the assumption that ìstepdadî equals sex
predator. In other words, my advice to ìUneasyî stands. My advice to
you? Pick up Christina Hoff Sommersí ìWho Stole Feminism?î to get a
better idea of the damage done by radical feminist activism tarted up
as serious science. Contrary to what the likes of Diana Russell would
have you believe, you should come to the conclusion that the answer to
ìHey, Dad, howíd you meet Mom?î probably isnít ìWhile raping her at
knifepoint.î
ï
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA
90405, or e-mail
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www.advicegoddess.com).
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