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Tuesday, 24 April 2007 16:14 |
| The Advice Goddess
Amy Alkon |
My boyfriend, who shows signs of narcissism and misogyny, enjoys your column, and no wonder, as you often indirectly side with men by making women look like jealous shrews. Even if you are right, maybe these women who write you need somebody to be nice to them. As for my boyfriend, his mom is a lifelong nut job, which has to affect how he sees women. It probably doesnít help that I didnít have very positive role models growing up, either. He can be a real jerk, but heís hot, sex can be great, and we both enjoy going to alternative rock venues. I guess Iím in a love/hate thing with this ìpiece of work,î as an astrologer called him. Maybe heís my karmic payback for not wanting kids?
ó Torn
ìTornî? Of course youíre torn. Youíre a woman dating a misogynist ó a
woman-hater. This is like being a black girl dating a guy whose
leisurewear is a pointy white hood, or a Jewish girl with a thing for
neo-Nazis, or, better yet, Elie Wiesel on a dinner date with Eva Braun.
This isnít to say thereís no love in your relationship, as your
boyfriendís also a narcissist ó probably prone to blurting out ìI love
you so much, it hurts!î while you gaze deep into his eyes and he gazes
over your shoulder into the mirror.
Luckily, youíve pegged the real problem here, which is . . . me? And
then thereís the moon in Aquarius, Mommy retrograde, and/or what looks
to be a guy flipping you the bird in Saturn. Or, maybe itís ìkarmic
paybackî ó the ridiculous notion that, behind the scenes of the
universe, thereís some cross of Buddha, Santa, and a tax accountant
calculating whoís been naughty and nice, and doling out jerk boyfriends
to the intentionally barren. In reality, evidence points to ìfateî
being pretty random: 4-year-olds sometimes die horribly in car
accidents ó and probably not because some balance sheet showed them
sneaking cake before dinner or committing a cold-blooded triple murder.
Maybe your real-real problem is blaming everything short of acid reflux
for your current situation. Come on, you arenít with this guy because
you lacked ìpositive role modelsî growing up, but because you lack a
sense of personal responsibility now that youíre grown up (or, at
least, taller). Lots of people have rough childhoods. At 6, Iíd already
killed Jesus, or so I was told ó which made me rather unpopular, and
about as assertive as lettuce well into my 20s. That wasnít working, so
I went off and worked on myself ó until I could toss off the punch
line, ìYeah, I whacked him, and I got away with it, too!î
The last thing anybody writing me needs is for me to be ìniceî so they
can feel better about draining their life into a dismal relationship.
Many of the life-wasters are men. Many more are women. And, if I had to
pinpoint the single biggest misery-maker in relationships, itís women
who see having a relationship as a substitute for having a self.
The runner-up? People loath to admit that their relationship isnít
exactly a hailstorm of bliss, and itís time they exercised a little
control over what they let into their lives, and what they let stay.
Granted, there can be extenuating circumstances, like when your partner
seems unique and irreplaceable; you know, like one of those rare men
whoís into sex and rock ëní roll. It could be tough landing that again
ó unless, of course, youíre willing to pull on a tight T-shirt and
spend 10 seconds in a beer line at a Weezer show.
Whoís your sugar daddy?
My girlfriend of several years broke up with me last month because I
didnít make enough money to support her. She just told me she regrets
her decision and wants us to get back together. I still care for her,
but Iím leery because sheís spent most of her life dating very rich
men. Iím okay financially, but a far cry from wealthy. Could there be
hope for us?
≠ó Unconvinced
Love* is all you need. (*Yacht sold separately.) Hereís a woman with a
long history of ìmaking money the old-fashioned wayî ó sleeping with a
man who has a whole lot of it.
Of course she regrets leaving you, probably because sheís letting
personal feelings get in the way of sound portfolio management. But,
unless you hear her expressing some newfound aversion to diamonds,
furs, and Jimmy Choo shoes, leery is the way to be. Sure, you both want
things to be different. Chances are, you both know what she needs ó to
find the love you two have, but with a guy whose job perks include
unlimited access to a well-staffed penthouse and the corporate jet, not
free coffee and leftover pizza in the conference room.
ï
Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, No. 280, Santa Monica, CA
90405, or e-mail
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
www.advicegoddess.com).
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