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The Candid Conservative: Our future rests on family preservation
Monday, 06 March 2017 12:04

By CARL MUMPOWER

Special to the Daily Planet


“Sensual pleasures have the fleeting brilliance of a comet; a happy marriage has the tranquility of a lovely sunset.”

— Ann Landers

The Problem

For a view into the underbelly of the progressive-liberal-socialist movement look no further than their dedication to destroying the building block of all healthy cultures – the family.

This happy band’s antagonism toward the proven reliabilities of traditional one woman and one man family unit is relentless – and creative. Through a parade of reckless abortion, welfare, education, and other social reengineering initiatives masqueraded as progress, the P-L-S movement has been remarkably successful.   

Proof is everywhere. Look to the heart of our drug problems, gangs, drop-out stats, poverty, suicide rates, racial disparity and a host of other societal illnesses and you will find one source above all – a broken family.

For those recognizing gender confusion as just that; that it takes a man and a woman to create a child is a hint as to who should be raising that child; and that there’s a crucial difference in social anarchy and social justice – here’s a few suggestions. You can do your own bit to preserve some cultural sanity amidst the growing absurdities of an ‘any way you like it’ world.

 

Family preservation begins with marital preservation

Two friends were recently married. In pondering their future I landed on a list of  things that would contribute to success potentials. It’s a list worth repeating.

In contrast to the uplifting nature of the Seven Virtues – Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Prudence, and Temperance – the Seven Deadlies – Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, and Sloth – cultivate our demise. Couples who maintain a disciplined effort to recognize and uphold the right seven secure their future.

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Dear A & L – “Over the course of practicing psychology for forty-something years, some truisms on marriage have persistently resurfaced. On the eve of your marriage, I wanted to share these with the hopes that your time together will be long, fruitful, and joyful – as God intends.”


10 Keys to Marital Success

Stay vigilant on the 7 Deadly Sins. They really are deadly and none of us are immune – from any of them.  In a fallen world we are persistently surrounded by beckoning detours to darkness camouflaged as pathways to light.  

In contrast to the uplifting nature of the Seven Virtues – Faith, Hope, Charity, Fortitude, Justice, Prudence, and Temperance – the Seven Deadlies – Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, and Sloth – cultivate our demise. Couples who maintain a disciplined effort to recognize and uphold the right seven secure their future.

 • Give your spouse the things you need from your spouse. Who you marry matters – how you treat who you marry matters more. One of the strongest truisms of life is that the best way to get what you need is to give what you need. Nowhere is that more true than with those we love. A focus on giving over receiving secures a balance that expands a marriage’s deeper potentials. A focus on getting over giving finds one lost in the cynicism of keeping score. A successful marriage requires eventual participation by both parties, but it begins with a ‘get the ball rolling’ commitment of one.  

Love doesn’t conquer all – but it is the first place to start. No word in the English language is more abused than the word ‘love.’ Though attraction, lust, respect and dependency are often marketed as love, the connection is fragile at best. Real love is a very demanding mistress with a strong connection to sacrifice, compassion, forgiveness, and commitment. Importantly, love is a skill and action first and an emotion second – it must be mined, processed, and brought to life to reach its truest value.

• Keep the burden of responsibilities fair. Men and women need not make the same contributions, but we are called on to invest an equal measure of energy. We are free to cross the lines, but as a general rule the nature of men is to protect, produce, and provide. What are women natured toward? Not much – just civilizing the world. That’s a pretty powerful formula for success when a man and women join forces in committed fashion. Think of a marriage between a man and a woman as a social version of epoxy glue.

Master conflict or it will master your marriage. Bad conflict is the number one relationship killer – good conflict is one of the best relationship builders. The first is characterized by good-bad, right-wrong, win-lose power struggles – the latter by patience, forgiveness, and an emphasis on win-win opportunities. A couple that learns to manage friction can do everything – a couple who doesn’t learn to manage friction will not be able to do anything.

• Consciously nurture your head, heart, body, spirit – every day. Never stop. Just as you and your mate are a team, your head, heart, body, and spirit function in partnership. To neglect one is to harm others. Winston Churchill once shared a relevant bit of wisdom, “The average man dies at 30 – his body lingers a while longer.” He understood that without four directions – head, heart, body, and sprit – you don’t have a compass.

• Remember you are part of another person – to neglect any part of you is to neglect your partner. Growth and personal development are crucial ingredients in every marriage. Stagnancy is poison. Too many people marry on the basis of one set of dynamic traits and then surrender to the ravages of time and stress. It is not fair to marry as one kind of person and then regress into something less and yet expect continued enthusiasms from our spouse.  Without personal growth and accountability, marriages shrink. Be especially wary of the forces of addiction – they are everywhere and want all of us.

 • We begin our romance and intimacy as effortless joy – but work and maintenance will eventually make their demands. That’s not failure – its maturity. In fairytales of old, finding the prince and princess was the tough part. Happy ever after was the assured outcome. In the real world it’s just the opposite – finding someone is much easier than staying with someone. Smart couples skip the ‘happy ever after’ stuff and understand that everything in life requires maintenance – including men, women, and marriage.

• In marriage do two become one? Certainly – the next question is which one? Or will it be a practiced blending of the best of both? That’s an outcome that’s built with hard work, not fantasy, self-absorption, or luck. Marriage is a prime example of a relationship where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

• We all need to matter – and in a fallen world we are constantly faced with bad means to that end. The best marriages come from two people who never give up on seeking positive ways to touch our world. We are here to add to the world as surely as we are able to draw from it. There are few better ways to contribute value than through the creation and nurturing of a family. Besides, to believe that one can get to good places – like happiness – through bad means is irrational. Good things don’t grow in bad soil – including children.

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 Without the American family, nothing about the American Dream works. That’s why so many cynical elitists seek to undermine marriage as a relationship between a man and a woman and push saccharine-like replacements. It’s just another in a long line of misguided efforts to downgrade our culture in the false name of progress. Their substitutes are like the marital equivalent of a no-calorie soda. They look the same but don’t stand up to scrutiny.    

 A family grounded in the love of a man and a woman is not the only platform for cultivating happy and fulfilled children ready to take on a challenging world. But it is the best – everything else comes in a distant second.

 I appreciate this opportunity to suggest a few ways to keep your marriage – and our culture – in first place....

Thanks for spending a few minutes with a candid conservative!

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Carl Mumpower is a psychologist and former elected official. He can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .


 



 


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